| thoughts? |
[17 Nov 2009|10:50pm] |
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The greatest men are the ones with the greatest sexual appetites.
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[20 Sep 2009|01:47am] |
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i think fear of failure is worse than failure itself.
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| what a crappy entry |
[11 Jun 2009|11:19pm] |
Things work out or don't work out in weird ways. Try as I might, by thinking things through, and overanalyzing, and running different scenarios, the result is rarely as I anticipate. It's becoming clear that you can only do what you can do. I think "Do as you feel led." is not a bad way to live. You just have to be clear that you are being led with pure intentions. And that includes not being confused by yourself, which for me, is sometimes the most difficult part. You want to be true to yourself, but you can trick yourself a lot. I think self-actualization is something like "doing as you feel led" in the purest form. In other words, being yourself.
As I see it, there are two main components. The part I think most people think is involved in being yourself is about acting like you wanna act. It's about not being afraid to do what you really want to do. If I wanna wear long purple socks, I'm gonna wear long purple socks. If you think racism is bad, you'll say racism is bad without fear of recrimination. Or, to use an example that would strike many more as relevant, if I really wanted to be an artist, I would go out and be that artist.
Now that part is difficult. Indeed. But I think it's even more difficult to even know what inner voice to follow. Do I want to wear long purple socks because my soul yearns for them or because my soul yearns for the cool kid image that will inevitably follow. For me, I feel like I have to sort through all these tiers of motivations to even get a glimpse of whatever it is I'm ultimately seeking. It takes an incredible amount of honesty to be peel away those layers and get to the heart of the matter and yourself. I don't think most people have that honesty. I know I don't have that honesty. But, honestly, I'm trying.
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| pearls of wisdom. and comedy. |
[13 Apr 2009|11:11pm] |
just thought i'd share this little gem with you guys
(11:06:46 PM): one person chat rooms are fun too though
(11:06:54 PM): u can talk to yourself
(11:07:01 PM): express any concerns or secrets
(11:07:17 PM): with the vulnerability that someone might come in
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| bloggo numbero threeo |
[01 Apr 2009|04:49pm] |
It’s Wednesday today, and we will be leaving El Bale tomorrow. I’ve been sick for the past few days with something I caught from my buddy Jordan. As much as I enjoy the infinite blessings of his wonderful company, sitting next to him for 12 hours when he was reeking of disease probably wasn’t the best course of action. As a result, I have aches, fever, chills, and the sniffles.
I hate the sniffles.
But, the most amusing (if one finds amusement in my pain) consequence of being sick has to be the chills. It’s 80-90 degrees outside. Everyone’s in something short of some sort: short sleeves, shorts, short shorts, really short shorts (here’s looking at you, ladies). But, here I stand in stark contrast. I wear my long pants, my long sleeved shirt, and a thick black jacket. Everyone looks like they’re going to spend a nice day outside in the summer sun. I look like I’m about to go skiing. Such is the price I pay for having too much fun the first few days.
Every day since I last wrote has been similar in terms of activities. We wake up bright and early to grab a hearty breakfast. Then, we work for a couple hours thinking about how to help the farmers through workshops. One day, we went to visit the hives and also a bottling facility. When I say facility, don’t think “Coca-Cola” facility; think “tiny room with a huge jug of honey and bottles set in a very remote area in the mountains” facility. In any case, after our morning work, we eat lunch and then we work with the farmers to teach them whatever we have planned. So far, we’ve helped them flesh out a basic organizational structure and roles and taught them basic accounting and bookkeeping.
It’s been quite an ordeal trying to communicate with the farmers. We have two wonderful students on our trip, Alie and Dave, that are fluent in Spanish and act as our translators. But it becomes quite frustrating when you say something, wait for the translation in Spanish, wait for the response in Spanish, and then wait for the translation in English. Something that I noticed was that there would be a huge conversation in Spanish for what seemed like ten minutes, but when the translation came back to us, it would be something like “Yes, that’s good.” I don’t know Spanish, but I’d say something got lost in translation.
After working with the farmers until about 6 or 7, we would play sports or play with the children. These were definitely not mutually exclusive activities. These children had so much energy. They would run around laughing and screaming about 15 hours a day. I typically can only get in about 2 hours of laughing and screaming a day. If I try extra hard, I can sometimes squeeze out a third hour of exuberance. But whatever those kids had, I think we could all use a little more of it.
After the fun and games, we would typically eat dinner, and then have more fun and games. This could involve more sports and children, talking, or any of the myriad of games that our ex-camp counselor members knew. The vast majority of the games we played were pointless, juvenile, and immature. As a consequence, the vast majority of the games we played were extremely fun. Needless to say, life in Panama is good.
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| i'm in love |
[30 Mar 2009|08:25pm] |
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I went to see the health center today about a little sickness I have. I got to see the triage nurse and she was obviously not from the States. She had a hint of an accent, but what gave it away was that she kept calling me "love" and "honey." Every time she told me "not to have dairy, love," and "drink lots of fluids, love," it melted my heart a little bit. I think I should get sick more often.
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| Authors note: this was written about a week ago |
[26 Mar 2009|09:06pm] |
Today is the second day of the trip, and our first day in El Bale, the village we will be working with. It is 11:32 PM and I am holding a pen in one hand and a flashlight in the other. Why? Because the room for the boys is sans electricity. Oh yeah, and the girl’s room does have electricity. Take that gender equality. The beds we’re sleeping on are fairly shady. My mattress had some doodles of activities that cannot be described on this blog without tarnishing the innocence of many. But, we did get new sheets. How comforting. (Haha get it?) All in all, not too shabby, but still the worst bed I’ve probably ever slept in. We’re definitely getting the real deal with this trip.
After four or so hours riding on the bus from Panama City, we got off and rode on the back of pick-up trucks with a sort of skeletal, metallic frame of bars over the beds. I definitely had the surreal feeling that I was a farm animal about to become someone’s future dinner. We rode in the trucks for about an hour through some impressively steep and rocky roads until we finally reached the village. The cool thing about the trucks we took was that they had “snorkels.” It’s basically exactly what it sounds like. But for cars. Picture a large plastic tube connected from the intake on the front of the truck that runs along the side and then up near the windshield to about that height. The reason, of course, is so that trucks can drive through rivers and other bodies of water that reach that level. Imagining these old beat up trucks trekking through water 5 feet high is certainly a little awe inspiring. All this does is reaffirm the idea that, yes, we are in Panama.
Today, we also met some of the locals for the first time. We played baseball, but unfortunately it was mostly Global Business Brigades kids playing. Nevertheless, a few of the locals joined in, including Father Roberto. Turns out, Father Roberto knows how to hit a baseball. Hard. Who would’ve thought that the village priest would crush us at our own national pastime?
After a delicious meal, we decided to make preliminary plans about how to approach the next day, what questions we should ask, and what we wanted to do. It was a little difficult getting everyone on the same page but it was also clear that everyone was quite motivated to make a difference. It was encouraging to know that we all shared a common goal.
Finally, because it was dark out by then, we went to their outdoor basketball court and just lay down looking at the night sky. It was absolutely brilliant. I ended up talking to one of the other members, Kevin, about possibilities of extraterrestrial life and the extraordinary scope of the universe. Looking into the sky and knowing that some of those stars simply did not exist anymore was something wonderful to chew on. If even these massive balls of energy are fleeting, then what are we as humans? Tiny blips in the grand scale of time and space - blips with with fantastic senses of self-importance and entitlement. And that is part of the reason why we are here in Panama. “We” are not better than “them.”In the crushing, magnanimous face of the universe, we are still nothing. So why be petty? Why fight? The universe doesn’t care who’s right or who’s wrong. So what can we do? What should we do? Meet people. Learn from others. Just spread some love around the world. Because if we’re nothing anyway, we might as well be a big group of happy nothings.
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| panama |
[11 Mar 2009|01:40am] |
So I'll be heading off to Panama during Spring Break to provide some sort of consulting and financing for some honey farmers. USC wanted some bloggers to put on USC's site to promote international programs like these and I volunteered. I just wanted to put my first blog post on LJ too so that you lovely chaps can get some exciting material as well. I had some fun with it; it's reminiscent of Smoke Signal days. It's a little stiff too, but that's just because this will be reflecting on USC's public image. Without further ado:
I am reminded of the upcoming trip when I open my fridge, rummage for food, and find… typhoid. My appetite is suddenly suppressed at the thought of the live vaccine being fridge buddies with my edibles.
I don’t know much about Panama. Forgive my ignorance, but when I hear Panama, three things come to mind: the Panama Canal, drug cartels, and malaria. It’s funny because I consider myself someone who is fairly cultured and knowledgeable. Yet, if you were to ask me about the people of Panama, their food, or their culture, I would draw a blank. The best answer I could give you would probably be a rough mosaic of scenes recalled from glimpses of Telemundo and Univision (namely, incredibly attractive Latinas who are perpetually in distress). With that said, I find myself wondering about the most random minutiae a few days before departure. Instead of thinking about whether or not we would make a significant impact, or in what ways I would be able to personally assist the farmers, I ponder what Panama will smell like. Dirty bananas, I quickly conclude. What type of shoes do Panamanians wear? I’ll probably be seeing a lot of sandals and toes.
Besides these musings, I also seriously consider the question of what the people of Panama think of Americans. Especially in light of the events of the last decade, are we still viewed as respectable, or has our reputation been tarnished to a point where we must overcome the negative bias first? I am always perpetually curious as to how the rest of the world views us and why they view us the way they do.
Ultimately, I am simply curious about the world and its cultures. I am admittedly clueless about Panama, but I am also completely open-minded and eager to experience whatever it has to offer. I think this trip will be a fantastic experience simply because instead of just touring and seeing, we will be doing. We will be interacting with local Panamanians; and for one short week, we will be immersed in Panama’s culture.
I think I am ready. I’ve got an open-mind, and perhaps more importantly, a plethora of bug repellants and anti-diarrheal medications.
I will be writing again of my adventures in about one week’s time. Until then, stay strong my loyal readers. All seven of you.
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[06 Feb 2009|04:10pm] |
Ever since entering college, I've been forced to think constantly about what I want to do with my life. Having to pick a major (or two) really makes you think seriously about who you are or where you want to be. Coming into college, I really didn't have any real idea of what I wanted to do with my life. Finally, as I approach 20 fine years of age, my future has finally morphed from an ephemeral blob into something that definitely has some tangible features. It's a little weird though. I can still see myself leading a couple different lives despite having a more concrete idea of the future. The path that seems easiest (and most viable) right now is working for a consulting firm for a couple years after graduating and then quitting and starting my own business and then making BANK. Or I could climb the corporate ladder and. then. make. BANK. It's a little silly because I don't even feel like a care about the money. Part of me just wants to be rich so that I can know that I'm capable of being a multimillionaire. I think another part of me just wants to save the world. I wish I could start something like the Gates Foundation or at least donate billions and billions of dollars like Buffet does. Generally, I don't think the individual really matters at a small scale. I think it's just a big marketing scam to improve society and it's kinda naive to think putting a couple dollars in a little orange box is going to change anything. If you really want to make a difference, I think you have to actually be somebody first. You don't necessarily have to be rich, but being average definitely doesn't cut it. It just happens that I think it'd be easier for me to be Warren Buffet than Mother Teresa.
So that's one possible avenue of life that I'd stroll on. I could also imagine being a bum of sorts. There's something beautiful about a person who renounces the mundane life. It reminds me of this quote from American Beauty where Angela asks Lester in tears, "You don't think I'm ordinary?" and he responds that she couldn't be ordinary if she tried. Angela says, "I don't think there's anything worse than being ordinary." I completely agree. I almost have this phobia of being regular. But then I ask myself, aren't my parents ordinary? Would being like them be that bad? And of course, the answer is no. I respect them a lot for what they have done in life. In any case, I think a life lived traveling alone through various parts of the world, reading, writing, eating, talking to people, jamming with strangers and all that would be phenomenal. I don't know if I could do that my entire life, but I'm quite positive I could live like that for a while - a true Bohemian. Maybe I've just been sucked in by the idealistic soul searching tales of Jack Kerouac and make believe people like Benjamin Button. Who knows, but what harm could possibly arise from TRYING to live like that. At the very least you would know that it's not your type of life, and you would still have learned and experienced so much. I've always thought an admirable feat was having an immeasurably vast vault of stories to tell. I'd like to be thirty and have enough tales to tell for the rest of my life.
In any case, at some point in the relatively near future I will pick one walk of life over the other (at least temporarily). I think whichever one I'd pick, I'd be happy, but at the same time always wondering what would happen if I made the other choice. Do you guys also have wildly disparate dreams and hopes about your future?
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| hi matt young |
[01 Feb 2009|04:58pm] |
Today I was sitting on a grassy knoll reading Nicomachean Ethics when this lady came by with a stroller and her little toddler. The woman was in her twenties and was kinda hot in this "I like indie rock and I just had a kid" way but the baby was so adorable. He ran around chasing after the big ol' USC squirrels and couldn't stop giggling and squealing. I love the way little kids run around. They're kinda like marshmallows with springs that they can't really control for legs. After trying to touch a squirrel for twenty minutes, he started pushing the stroller around which was pretty friggin' cute. And then the lady apologized for interrupting my reading and had this interesting European accent. I just told her that her kid was cute and she thanked me. And then the tot pushed the stroller away and the mom followed.
I think I'll start writing here.
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| 18 |
[02 Apr 2007|12:02am] |
I'M MONDO MATURE NOW.
COME AND GET A PIECE OF THIS, LIFE! :)
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| GRACIAS |
[31 Oct 2006|10:42pm] |
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while trick or treating, my bro got 'yes on 86' and a little comic story on aids, drugs, and jesus. LUCKY
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| babies and dollas |
[08 Jun 2006|06:49pm] |
my interview went well so hopefully i'll have a job with coldstone by next week! tips will be appreciated and song and dance will ensue ;)
babies are too cute
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[11 Dec 2005|10:34pm] |
does anyone have a black dress shirt and/or a silver tie i can borrow?
the gesture would be much appreciated and would earn urself a hug and that great feeling u get after doing good deeds. plzplzplzplzplz
FRIGGN STACY!
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[18 Nov 2005|02:20pm] |
I love science camp. Awesome, awesome experience.
Much love to co-leader baby seal, chicken, dinosaur, bear, pinneaple, crane, puppy, supernova, fuschia, butterfly, bumblebee, H2O, cabbage, and rivers! <3 let's not forget sunset and tiger!!1 yeaaa
bats baby
can anyone give me a ride to harry potter tonight?
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[07 Nov 2005|03:03pm] |
couple more months... :P
(til hair grows back out)
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[14 Oct 2005|10:18pm] |
THE DANCE WAS OFF THE HEEZY
it was so hot. i walked outside for a break and when i walked back in my glasses fogged up. and my ears are still ringing.
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[27 Sep 2005|08:54pm] |
only to people who are my lj friends
( 10 )
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thebufftwig's journal
